“What a terrible thing it is to botch a farewell.”

I read life of pi about two years back. Looks like ages ago. Back then I thought it was a great book. Maybe because I was less skeptical in the long long time ago. To the extent that I even thought something like surviving on a boat with a living tiger for 227 days was credible. To the extent that when pi turned blind; I cried the whole night.

But going a little off track, another thing which intrigued me at the end was when the author talks about a perfect ending. Like completing the book perfectly in a hundred chapters. Or an appropriate farewell when he and Richard parker aka the Bengal tiger part ways upon being rescued. But since it is an animal, obviously there are no goodbyes. And thus this title. But I was amazed because it is something I also very firmly believe in. Its not like its some cause that I “believe” in, but something I would want to do when at the culmination of something significant so to say. It may sound exaggerated but when I read it, I actually thought about the time I would leave Roorkee. Back then it was something so far away in the future I didn’t even believe it would ever happen. And I actually resolved that I wouldn’t spoil it. All the people who’ve been a part of my life in one way or the other here would be paid a decent adieu when the time comes. And since there were no animals involved here, I was pretty confident it would work. I would atleast keep this promise. There would be bye bye cards, some inside joke gifts-you know the regular stuff.

Now comes the “now” part of the story. College did come to an end. And so did the time for the “Byes”. I think the toughest part of becoming an IITian is getting your dues cleared and then the degree. Its like the authorities are finally rubbing their hands in glee saying: “you thought getting into an IIT was tough, try getting out!”. I think I’ve read this line somewhere.
Anyway, the B.Tech Project and no dues took such a toll on me that I couldn’t even get all my stuff packed before my parents were here, let alone buy the cards or the inside joke gifts. I didn’t even accommodate seeing my philosophy answer sheet even though it was one of the only two subjects I enjoyed here (the other being economics)

And now when I sit at home still awake at 4 am, having absofuckinlutely nothing to do, missing every single thing about Roorkee, I can’t help but regret all of it. And I guess what makes it even worse is that it just goes further downhill from here.
My only consolation being that I may not be the only one having this particular regret. So I guess no regrets. They don’t work.

originally posted on june 2 2007

~ by neha mehta on June 27, 2007.